Catching up... THE MOM

July 30th

this is where...
I take a break from work (because if i don't i might go postal), and write a blog. yay for blogging. so, i have been getting requests for more blogs and now is the time for brief updates and small "stories."

as i rack my brain for events that stand out since i last blogged, i remember a few...

so, after purchasing my oh-so-fab computer a la apple, i decided to take a cab. granted, i don't do this often for fear of getting a stinky cab man like before (plus, it is WAY too expensive for my budget. especially after forking out what i did for my oh-so-fab computer). well, there i am, standing on the sidewalk in soho with a box that says, "MUG ME, PLEASE," and dying for a cab-one single cab-to pull over for me. FINALLY, the sea of strangers parts in the road and a yellow cab is headed right for me. all hail. haha. this guy was amazing. i get in the cab and he looks similar to taye diggs from the side back angle (which isn't saying much, i admit. he also had on sunglasses... a minor detail). then he speaks. his accent is something unique. i ask, where is that great accent from? he wants me to guess. I say.... the islands? he says, no. i say, south africa? he says no. ok... this game has gotten old.

he tells me he is from paris. he was raised there and his parents are from africa. amazing little mix. well, then we started discussing politics and religion. i guess that's just how NY is... great conversations anywhere you want. i love it. please discuss with me your views on yada yada.

so, as we talk, my cabbie makes a left-hand turn onto my road. as he makes said left-hand turn, i notice a giant sign that says, NO TURN HERE. i thought that he was avoiding the sign cause he is a badass. ummm... well, as soon as we turn, we get pulled over. my cabbie got a ticket. it was kinda odd and i felt somewhat responsible for engaging this dear sir in such lovely conversation that he got slapped with a hefty ticket and some points on his license. oops.

well, i get home and tip in. largely. my sincerest apologies mr. cab man. also, he took off the sunglasses and then taye disappeared. damn.


story two. this little one is about my mother, whom i love dearly. (i preface with that so that she may not kill me later)

so, since i have moved here, i have decided it is best NOT to tell my mother my whereabouts. she gets nervous when i go to a movie at night, let alone go out. AND THEN GO ON THE SUBWAY ALL BY MYSELF LIKE A BIG GIRL. i get phone calls relentlessly the next day to find out if i am still living. unfortunately, the bulk of these phone calls are before ten am which gives my mother ample time to think that i have passed on and am laying in some gutter somewhere. when, in fact, i am simply resting my weary, hungover eyes.

so, i went to see "wanted" the other night. it was fabulously horrible. i laughed the entire movie. well, that is, when i wasn't drooling over angelina. my god. her ass. my god. ok... i digress... well, the movie was a late movie and it was on a saturday (god forbid, a late saturday night movie ALONE... can you imagine??). however would a girl survive this big bad city in a movie theater with a shit ton of other angelina enthusiasts that are too commonplace to go out and create a life of crime-fighting of their own??

oddly enough, on the train ride to this movie, i witness something that really does break my heart and had the ability to make me weak in the knees and soggy around the eyeball area. and this is not in a good way. damn if there was a wack-job woman who wasn't beating her infant. screaming in his face to shut up as loud as she could. slapping him to make him cry after he had stopped and then screaming in his face once more. picking him up my his little rolly pollie fists and probably pulling his shoulders out of socket. omg, i couldnt handle it. apparently, there was a few of us adults on the train who had issues with this and some spoke up. i was on the other side of the train. when a man spoke up she went nuts, "this is my goddamned kid! who the fuck are you?!" yeah... so that was a moot point. horrible. i can only hope that child services has been called on this woman and her child be taken from her and put into a loving home. unfortunately, i know the system pretty well, and this situation just sucks all the way around.

point being, (aside from DONT EVER BEAT YOUR KIDS OR BE A CRAZY ASS LUNATIC) i called my mother to console my weepy-ness before going into the theater. BAD IDEA! "Where are you?! Are you going to a movie this late?! are you alone?! are you gonna take the train home alone?!" mother!! seriously?!

ok, but this little story i give mom permission to be annoyed. cause i am thoroughly! all of a sudden, the little shits directly across from my apartment windows have discovered my presence. sooo, they enjoy throwing things and screaming obscenities towards my open window. this is very annoying for two reaons: 1. because i can no longer save money by turning off the A/C, and 2. because i DO NOT enjoy hearing little kids screaming whilst i am doing things...

and the final story is just to boost my measly little ego. HA! ok, so i was walking valentino and most of you may know, that i judge my "going out" outfits on the number of "hollas" i get when i step outside my apartment. i may hear any of the following, hey mami, mira mira, psssssssssst, ay sexy, damn, etc. based on the number of said "hollas" is how i decide my level of smokin' hot versus not. anyhooo... this day, i was walking valentino to the grocery store to pick up dog food (that last little part about dog food isnt really pertinent to the story). so, i am crossing the street. mind you, i am donning work out pants and a work out tank with tennis shoes. so NOT hot. as i cross the road at the "its a good time to cross" signal, i almost get run over by a man who thinks it's ok to pass the other responsible driver that has stopped for me. lets just say, allstate and progressive would NOT be providing him with any sort of discount. alas, he sees me and stops. and then...

"hey sexy, i'd stop for you anytime. hey! hey! psssssssssssst!!!! turn around, beautiful. let me see your face."
at the last remark, i decide it is time for him to move on. i turn. everyone behind this dude is LAYING on their horns. i think obscenities could have been screamed. dude wants to pull a u-turn to come and talk to me and gently asks if that would be ok. at this point, i squish up my nose and shake my head, no. thanks. but no. MOVE ON.

at any rate, i think i should wear my work out clothes out one night. this was the largest "holla" that i have gotten in quite some time. what do you think?